"You’re the only It Girl that matters anyway,” Lola says to Serena. “You said so yourself.” BURN. Plus 10."

Gossip Girl Recap: From Hapsburg to Williamsburg — Vulture

Real Talk: Lola Rhodes, secretly Van Der Woodsen, for the win.

"I am ready to move on with my life,” declares Serena, who obviously heard that in a Lifetime movie. Plus 1"

Gossip Girl Recap: It Is Your Destiny to Be Gossip-Worthy — Vulture

Really, these recaps are probably the only reason I keep watching anymore

"Given what has happened on this show the past five seasons, it would be beneficial to all of the characters on Gossip Girl if they began looking at their world from a Humphrological perspective: that is, assuming that everyone they spoke to was being dishonest, all of the time."

Gossip Girl Recap: It Is Your Destiny to Be Gossip-Worthy — Vulture

If television has taught be one thing it’s that everyone is lying liar who lies.

"I refuse to loose Cece to the giant gin bar in the sky before she and Dan finally give into the sexual tension they’ve had since the first season. Minus 100. —feed_the_ducks"

Gossip Girl Recap Recap: Crazy, Cupid, Love — Vulture

I haven’t this week’s episode (NO SPOILERS!) but this comment is the realest of talk.

"With strains of the song that first ushered the show onto the air playing cheerily in the background, our mysterious narrator looked back at how far Blair, and we all, have come. “Who would have thought that in just five short years, she could turn that headband into a tiara for real?” she mused. Indeed. As always, on the surface, everything looked idyllic. But underneath, anxiety and regret were bubbling. Five years?!? Some people might have been thinking. Holy hell, what have I done with my life?"

Gossip Girl Recap: Jesus Owes Me One — Vulture

Sing it sister.

"

They also meet a gay guy, whom Deena treats like a koala with highlights. “You’re gay, right? I love gay men! I can hang out with gay men! You can get hammered and you don’t have to worry about giving them a BJ.” Uh, speak for yourself, some of us went to art school.

Then Deena calls herself a fruit fly and MTV adds another gay character into Awkward out of guilt.

"

Jersey Shore Recap: Vinconsolable — Vulture

Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

"When Chuck shows up at Dan’s house to quiz him, Dan puts on his best Dumb Face, which is not very good. “I mean, I live in Brooklyn,” says the author of a gossipy little book called Inside. “Without Gossip Girl, I know nothing.” Minus 2 for Dan’s crap excuse. If Gossip Girl were here, she would have called him “The Boy Who Cried Brooklyn.” Then she would have quoted some nonsense lyrics from a Led Zeppelin song, done a couple of Whip-Its, and eaten the entire contents of her refrigerator."

Gossip Girl Recap: We Used to Be Your Priority — Vulture

Miss you, mean it.

"Charlie turned around and launched into a sad tirade about how Serena is perfect and every girl wants to be her and every boy wants to be in her and Serena shook her head and said “You could have that too.” Hahahaha. Bitch didn’t even deny it! She was just like “Yup, all of those things are totally true, but I’m going to placate you and say that those things could be true of you too, even though, let’s be honest here, that is not the case.” Classy, Serena. Stay great always"

Gossip Girl Season Finale: Goodbye Love, Hello Lover - Gawker

Guys, “Gossip Girl” recaps make my life that much brighter.

SADDEST UPDATE EVER: I’m at work and posted this HI-LIARIOUS quote before I could read the whole recap and Gawker is totes done with recapping “Gossip Girl” because even BLOGGERS have given up with this show.

I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY JOSH SCHWARTZ ET AL.

"The show, as it reaches the end of its fourth season, is feeling like it’s sprinting to the finish while juggling a bunch of flaming bowling pins — and dropping some…As they go into season five, the writers are going to have to make some big decisions: Is this a real soap opera, with ghosts and amnesia and people who seem dead but aren’t? Because if that’s the case, they’re going to have to start casting a lot more evil twins. If not, then let’s bring these plotlines back down to earth and get serious!"

Gossip Girl Recap: From Well to Hell — Vulture

Amen, bravah, can I get a what, what?

"James Franco is doing a reading of some of his short stories at Housing Works.” Plus 3. GAY."

Gossip Girl Recap: I Wouldn’t Want Someone Like You, Wanting to Be Like Me — Vulture

Anddddd, we’re back bitches.