"You’re the only It Girl that matters anyway,” Lola says to Serena. “You said so yourself.” BURN. Plus 10."

Gossip Girl Recap: From Hapsburg to Williamsburg — Vulture

Real Talk: Lola Rhodes, secretly Van Der Woodsen, for the win.

"I am ready to move on with my life,” declares Serena, who obviously heard that in a Lifetime movie. Plus 1"

Gossip Girl Recap: It Is Your Destiny to Be Gossip-Worthy — Vulture

Really, these recaps are probably the only reason I keep watching anymore

"Given what has happened on this show the past five seasons, it would be beneficial to all of the characters on Gossip Girl if they began looking at their world from a Humphrological perspective: that is, assuming that everyone they spoke to was being dishonest, all of the time."

Gossip Girl Recap: It Is Your Destiny to Be Gossip-Worthy — Vulture

If television has taught be one thing it’s that everyone is lying liar who lies.

"Drunken sex was a sacred thing of beauty now marred by the horror that was Dan and Blair. Minus 20. –STILETTO33"

Gossip Girl Recap Recap: Con Heir — Vulture

A fair takeaway.

"The parallel between CB’s last scene in 2x25 and Dan’s “say it again” was just too cheesy, kind of the rotten cheese variety that makes me want to vomit. Minus 100 –willyumarrymechuck"

Gossip Girl Recap Recap: The Princess Dowry — Vulture

Thank you! It was like someone punched me in the heart-stomach.

"And, as a major fan of The O.C., I’m offended that the GG writers are trying to Seth & Summer this Dair thing. First with the essay, now with the waiting-to-have-sex-and-it’s-terrible storyline. Dan and Blair are no Seth and Summer and they never will be. Minus 50. –brandie_larue"

Gossip Girl Recap Recap: The Princess Dowry — Vulture

Seriously, Josh Schwartz et.al, how do you sleep at night?

J’accuse!

"As much as we dislike the Dan and Blair relationship — so much so that we can’t bring ourselves to use the popular nickname for their pairing — it was kind of sweet when she called him, “Dan” for the first time. Plus 2"

Gossip Girl Recap: I Knew You’d Try to Steal Something and Apparently You Did — Vulture

I think we’d all be a lot more on-board for this pairing if Dan just cut his fucking hair.

I mean, really: Is anyone surprised Dan Humphrey can’t hang?

"I refuse to loose Cece to the giant gin bar in the sky before she and Dan finally give into the sexual tension they’ve had since the first season. Minus 100. —feed_the_ducks"

Gossip Girl Recap Recap: Crazy, Cupid, Love — Vulture

I haven’t this week’s episode (NO SPOILERS!) but this comment is the realest of talk.

"With strains of the song that first ushered the show onto the air playing cheerily in the background, our mysterious narrator looked back at how far Blair, and we all, have come. “Who would have thought that in just five short years, she could turn that headband into a tiara for real?” she mused. Indeed. As always, on the surface, everything looked idyllic. But underneath, anxiety and regret were bubbling. Five years?!? Some people might have been thinking. Holy hell, what have I done with my life?"

Gossip Girl Recap: Jesus Owes Me One — Vulture

Sing it sister.